Eine Liste mit Problemen, die Jay-Zs „99 Problems“ sein könnten

17.9.2012
Willy
Web

Was ihr hier seht, ist eine spekulative Liste von Jay-Zs 99 Problemen. Einfach genial und hier mal die ersten Probleme zur Auswahl:

  1. Awkward street cred issues re: recent events with “the 99%.”
  2. Discomfort with monogamy and upcoming fatherhood, esp. w/in the context of being a very powerful individual (i.e. sex from whoever he desires widely available yet unattainable due to moral obligation).
  3. Increasing existential distress re: fatherhood, fame, identity, public image.
  4. Trouble figuring out which is the healthiest cooking oil.
  5. Irritating eczema between index, middle and ring fingers during change of seasons and humid weather, exacerbated by high temperatures and showering; especially irritating in the middle of the night.
  6. Worries about bad breath.
  7. Sometimes ‘forced’ by Beyonce to “Facetime” via iPad with in-laws; finds this excruciating; almost impossible to maintain any semblance of enthusiasm while doing so.
  8. Zipper on favorite backpack (irreplaceable b/c found in an eclectic thrift shop in east Berlin) consistently ‘jams’ for unknown reasons, seems to be getting worse.
  9. Kicked out of his own bar a month ago in shameful, drunken loss of control.
  10. Detection of flowering, toxic claustrophobia/ fears of not being able to ‘get out’ when in group settings in which others would notice signs of anxiety and nervousness such as excessive sweating, heavy panting, body odor, fidgeting, and repeated swallowing.
  11. Life + Times intern extremely sexually attractive, unsure feelings about how to navigate that re: wife.
  12. Strange pain in upper left corner of abdomen whenever hungry (suspected peptic ulcer).
  13. Worries about drinking enough water.

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Über den Autor

Willy Dr. Lima

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